How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?

Love: When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust: When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage: When your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.


Love: When you argue over how many children to have.
Lust: When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
Marriage: When you argue over money.

Love: When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
Lust: When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
Marriage: What's a climax?

Love: When you phone each other just to say "Hello."
Lust: When you phone each other just to organize sex.
Marriage: When you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

Love: When you write poems about your partner.
Lust: When all you write is your phone number.
Marriage: When all you write are checks.

Love: When you show concern for your partners' feelings.
Lust: When you couldn't give a shit.
Marriage: When your only concern is what's on TV.

Love: When your farewell is "I love you darling."
Lust: When your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
Marriage: When your farewell is silent.

Love: When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
Lust: When you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
Marriage: When you never see each other awake.


Love: When nobody else matters.
Lust: When nobody else knows.
Marriage: When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

Love: When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust: When it's just the same mushy old shit.
Marriage: When you never listen to music.